I want to be Famous! But what does God want?

Probably thought you all were rid of me! But no sir, I have dragged myself back to this computer to write yet another blog post. Quite honestly I do not have any of these planned but I suspect I'll get a plan together as a keep rolling.... Well I HOPE anyway.

I think I like blogs better when they have a picture to view, so I thought I'd give you a little something.
This is me in my new favorite shirt. A friend of mine is apparently a t-shirt addict and can not stop buying them! I had the good fortune to be communicating with him at the time of purchase and a shirt got thrown into the cart for me!
It's a Doctor Who shirt featuring the latest Doctor (Matt Smith) with his Fez, because fezzes are cool.
This friend of mine is also a film maker and if you need someone to help you with a film look him up here.

As always about a billion different things are going through my head and I'm trying to focus them to make one coherent blog post.

I am a work in progress. I have no idea what my life will like at the end. All I know is that it's going to be magnificent.

The only problem is I can't tell if it's going to be magnificent in a "give everything i have and am to serve and heal others" way or a "be so full of energy and talent that i am a film legend" way. Honestly I'm hoping to blend the two. Even though it's already proving quite difficult.

You see, I love Jesus. So in loving Jesus I am supposed to 'be in the world; not of it'. Hollywood is very much 'of' the world. The world is always telling you that love is conditional. If you want the world to love and accept you, you must bow to it's social constructs. Fame, fortune, and glory are the things we aspire to. Step on whomever you must to achieve these things. Doesn't matter what you say as long as they're talking about you.

I am so not gunna lie to you all here and say I don't care about fame or fortune, cus I totally do. I want people to remember my name. Ever since I was in grade school and we were learning about the presidents I remember thinking "I want people to remember my name like they'll always remember George Washington's". It's something I haven't been able to shake.
 I firmly believe I could get to that point if I tried. There is not a single doubt in my mind that if I began working my ass off right here and now that you would be watching me on television in the future and looking up the blog I started when I was 21.
I have a lot of confidence in myself. Confidence that, I believe, has gone through a lot of tests to prove that it will always snap back into place even after it's been shattered for the hundredth time. Confidence that could pull me through whatever Hollywood had to throw at me.

But as I mentioned in the last post, I am terrified of what all that work will do to me. My confidence comes from my faith in God. And it's my faith in God that fuels my love of helping people to heal. It brings me joy to know that I could help ease some one's burden.

If I left for Hollywood tomorrow I would survive it. Would my love of healing survive? Would my ability to love completely remain in tact? Would I get to keep my wonderful boyfriend? (I know it seems silly to stay for a guy, but while I don't believe in soul mates I do believe that finding relationships like this isn't an easy feat.)

(I'm not afraid of losing my family because I think it would be more of a task to get rid of them.)

This situation has been playing out for a while now. Ever since I started and then quit college I've been pondering the best course of action.
I could never quit acting. I've tried it before. It's just part of my creative soul. Something God gave me.

I suppose, for now, my conclusion is this: Fame and fortune are awful goals to have in mind. If those are the goals then the means of achieving those goals can be a large variety of things, most of which will leave you with a loss of self, and how can anybody remember you if you weren't even you by the time you'd gone through all the altering hoops you've been jumping through?

The God of the universe knew my name before I was born and He'll remember my name until forever. So I suppose I shouldn't be so worried about the humans 250 years into the future.

Which isn't to say that I can just stop working now. It's just my goals should be re-focused. I'll make a short list for you!
I will not let the almighty dollar consume me. I want to be a light, letting the natural energy that radiates within me start affecting others in a positive way. I want to talk to God more often. I will be more loving in everything I say, do, and even think. I will seek new avenues of letting my creativity and acting abilities shine through. I will  not let negative people dictate my emotions.

I suppose that's enough for now.
Again I find myself tired and in no mood to proof read. Please let me know if it's entirely incoherent or just plain stupid.

Right now think something super positive about yourself! Just think of one thing you're happy you are. Then focus on that and let energy flow from that positive thought.

Create onward,

E.M.G